TEN TIPS TO BE A SUCCESSFUL HUSBAND AND TEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFECTIVE MUSLIM WIVES

by: IslaamInfo & Swami Stream

Being a good spouse is important in any marriage. Marriage should be a complete partnership where two people come together to please Allah – and strive to help each other better themselves for His sake. With that in mind, here are some tips to help husbands achieve success.

1. Dress up well for one’s wife:

Dress up for your wife, look clean and smell good. When was the last time us men looked good to please our wives. Just like the husband wants his wife to look nice for him, she also wants her husband to dress up for her too. Remember that Rasullullah (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) would always start with Miswak when returning home and always loved the sweetest smells.

2. Use likeable names for your wife:

 Use the cutest names for your wife. Rasulullah (Sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) had nicknames for his wives, ones that they loved. Call your wife by the most beloved names to her, and avoid using names that hurt their feelings.

3. Recognize the good & focus on that:

 Don’t treat her like a fly. We never think about a fly in our daily lives until it ‘bugs’ us. Similarly, a wife will do well all day  which brings no attention from the husband until she does something to ‘bug’ him. Don’t treat her like this; recognize all the good that she does and focus on that.

4. Be silent on the wrongs:

If you see wrong from your wife, try being silent and do not comment! This is one of the ways Rasullullah(sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) used when he would see something inappropriate from his wives (Radi Allahu ‘anhunna). It’s a technique that few Muslim men have mastered.

5. Smile at your wife:

Smile at your wife whenever you see her and embrace her often. Smiling is Sadaqah and your wife is not exempt from the Muslim Ummah. Imagine life with her constantly seeing you smiling. Remember also those Ahadith when Rasullullah(sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam)  would kiss his wife before leaving for Salaah, even if he was fasting.

6. Thank her:

Thank her for all that she does for you. Then thank her again! Take for example a dinner at your house. She makes the food, cleans the home, and a dozen other tasks to prepare. And sometimes the only acknowledgement she receives is that there needed to be more salt in the soup. Don’t let that be; thank her!

7. Make her happy:

Ask her to write down the last ten things you did for her that made her happy. Then go and do them again. It may be hard to recognize what gives your wife pleasure. You don’t have to play a guessing game, ask her and work on repeating those times in your Life.

8. Comfort her:

Don’t belittle her desires. Comfort her. Sometimes the men may look down upon the requests of their wives. Rasullullah(sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) set the example for us in an incident when Safiyyah (Radi Allahu ‘anha)  was crying because, as she said, he had put her on a slow camel. He wiped her tears, comforted her, and brought her the camel.

9. Be humorous:

Be humorous and play games with your wife. Look at how Rasulullah (Sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam)  would race his wife Aisha (Radi Allahu ‘anha) in the desert. When was the last time we did something like that?

10. Try to be the Best:

 Always remember the words of Allah’s Messenger (Sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam): “The best of you are those who treat their families the best. And I am the best amongst you to my family.” Try to be the best!

In conclusion: Never forget to make Dua to Allah (Azza wa jall) to make your marriage successful. And Allah ta’ala knows best !!

10 habits of highly effective Muslim wives
(by Swami Stream)

 After my husband wrote the “10 Habits of Highly Effective Muslim Husbands,” he thought it would be interesting to add the other perspective.

So, I made a list of 10 habits that my husband has commented on over time that has produced positive changes in our relationship.  He is right, the first year of marriage is really about adapting and compromise.  We are shown our terrible habits (how did our parents put up with us?) and overtime you do fall into a groove.

But, don’t get too comfortable in your routine.  Adding some spice and maintaining some good habits will make a very successful and enjoyable marriage.  Some of these habits are similar to the “Muslim Husband Habits” but, some are just for us, girls. 

1.Stay Healthy and Get Outside!

    This is by far the most important habit a Muslim Wife can do to make a successful marriage.   Before marriage, my husband and I were both active people.  He was an extreme biker and I played basketball for almost 10 years before we met.  After marriage and the onset of chores, work and family obligations, time for staying healthy was becoming low on our priority scale.

    Over time, we both forgot the initial attraction we had for one another – an active, healthy lifestyle.  An active lifestyle brings many benefits from  clearing the mind from trivial matters to enjoying each other’s company in a different way.

    As we have brought the active lifestyle back into our lives, we both realize we learn a lot about each other through activity.  For example, on our hikes we see the other person’s stamina and determination, in playing basketball, we see our competitiveness side, and in our daily walks we see each other’s stillness and appreciation for nature.

    It is by far a crucial aspect of our relationship and one that really keeps us connected, alhamdulillah. 

2.Listen and Be Supportive

    One of the best things a Muslim Wife can do for her husband is be supportive.  We all know the famous story of our Beloved Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him; after receiving revelation, he came straight home to his nurturing wife, Sayyidina Khadija, may Allah be pleased with her.  She wasn’t on the phone with her girlfriend nor was she too busy on the computer, she was ready to comfort and listen.

    For me, this starts as soon as your husband comes home through the door.  Greeting your husband with a salaam, a smile and a hug is sure to set a peaceful atmosphere right away.

    A Muslim Wife is attentive to her husband’s needs.  If he is holding something in his hands, like groceries, take them from him, hand him a glass of juice or have some fruit or snacks readily available.  These small gestures show simple kindness and goes a long way.

    If your husband had a hard day at work, the initial greeting will soothe him.  Thereafter, if he needs to vent about his boss or co-worker, listen to him.  A good listener asks questions, makes good eye contact and reassures with nods and affection.  Initially, take his side!  If things are said that you don’t agree with, wait until a better time to give advice.  The first initial response he is looking for is support and kindness from his wife, even if he is wrong.  Thereafter, of course you can give advice and guide.

    Another tip – remember names of people your husband says.  A week later after the work problem is over, simply ask your husband, “Is everything okay with Michael, now?” He will be happy that you really listened by remembering names.

    So, lend a good ear and your hearts will come closer together.

3.Be Creative – Change is Good!

    We like to change things around in our apartment every season.  This is as simple as changing the furniture into a different position, changing hanging pictures or de-cluttering old knick knacks.

    Over time, my husband and I have become minimalists.  We like the clean counter-tops, things put away in drawers and cupboards, and we have a new distaste for random objects.  So, we minimize every season by giving away clothes, dishes and books.

    We also change our “usual” eating spots at the table and seating in the living room.  We change our chores around too.  I usually cook and he washes the dishes, but lately we have been cooking together and then sharing the dishes too (I soap while he rinses).

    We have about four or five home-cooked meals that we both enjoy and we basically just rotate them week to week.  But, after a while we add a new dish to the mix.  I’ll learn something new from mom or a girl friend and surprise him with it one night.

    Small changes creates new growth and stimulation to your relationship without falling into boredom and we always feel like “we’ve just moved in” every time we change things around. 

4.Engage in Good Conversation – Learn New Things

    Engaging in meaningful dialogue that does not consist of talking about family, friends or every day matters can boost your marriage.

    Very easily we can fall into talking about what’s happening in our lives right now, which is fine and needed.  However, your relationship truly grows and tests new boundaries when you learn new things and share them with your spouse.

    My husband shares new things he is always learning from blogging, marketing and computer stuff.  To be honest, this is foreign to me.  But, it is something that he is motivated by and by listening to him I have learned a lot of interesting things about it (and he has convinced me to write this article for example, lol.)

    It’s nice to talk about the books or articles I’ve read and thought about with my husband so I can gain his perspective, learn about him and enrich my own.  At times, when we disagree on a topic, our persuasive strategies kick in, allowing for a good debate.  :)

    When other temporary things fall away that make you happy – a good conversation can last a life-time.
    

5.Be Alive and Excited about Life

    Do you remember the first time you met your husband?  Probably one of those awkward meetings or something.  But, I remember both of us being alive and happy.  We tried to look our best and be interesting too.  I don’t remember either of us letting all of our problems out!

    I’ve met a few sisters in the last little while that exude a certain kind of sadness or worry or fear that they don’t even realize that they exude.  They actually walk around with a frown!

    They might have a problem or concern that of course makes them look and feel a certain way, but over time if the sad state continues it can really dampen the best of relationships.

    Yes, the honeymoon phase (they say it’s the two year mark) can reach it’s end – but it doesn’t have to!  If you find yourself bored and sad, then it is really up to you to make a change in the relationship.  If you are seriously upset about something, then seek help!

    There are so many things to be excited and alive about in the world!  You might need a change in your circle of friends (who really do have a big influence on how you see and do things) or you might need a new hobby or need to get outside and get fresh air on a regular basis.

    Being energetic and happy and willing to try new things with your husband is an important aspect of marriage.  Being grumpy and unmotivated can lead to a whole bunch of problems for both of you.  Find a new friend or a new hobby or a new book and get excited about life.  Your husband will notice the energy and cheerfulness in you and you could change the atmosphere of your home and relationship just by changing your mood.
 

6.Have One Good Girl Friend (Or Mom) – Share your Problems with Grace
    There are some things that you just need to tell a girl friend because she will just understand and some things you can only tell your husband and it is important to know the difference.

    It is very easy to get so comfortable with our husbands that we share some  things with them that they really could be spared.  There is a certain kind of respect and dignity a husband needs to have.  And, sisters, there is a certain level of respect and dignity he also has for you, too.

    I have seen too many times, sisters complaining about other sisters, their clothes or their characters to their husbands.  Please don’t do this!  Sharing secrets or worse the flaws of other sisters to your husbands is a big no-no, especially if the sister confided in you.  Even though you and your husband are a pair, your sister friend should not feel that everything she tells you is going straight to the husband!

    This is not only gossip and forbidden in Islam, but boring and undignified to your husband.  Instead, having a good girl friend or even your mom or someone else you trust provides an excellent outlet to let out frustrations that can dampen a marriage or a husband’s mood or respect for you.

    In the same vein, sisters should not tell other sisters their husband’s secrets!  It’s okay to seek advice but not in a way that can make your husband lose respect in front of your friend.

    Your husband can be your best friend and will be with you to the very end, inshaAllah.  It is not worth it to lose your husband and what matters to him over a friend who no matter how close they are, can end up not being there for you in the end.
    

7.Dress Up and Smell Good – Take Care of Your Outward and Inward Appearance

    Finally, after years of searching for the “one” you are married!  You look into the face of your spouse and you think, “so it was you” that I was meant to marry.  And, the marriage chapter of your life begins.

    Marriage is “half our deen” and now that there is this one man in your life, this is your chance to make it everything you’ve ever dreamed of.  And one fun thing a Muslim Wife can do is simply dress up and smell good.

    I always think it’s interesting that sisters (and brothers) can be “frumpy” in their homes but as soon as they step out of the door they dress up and go all out.  Very often we dress up for the world (strangers who we don’t know or at our workplace) and sometimes we just let ourselves go in front of  family and our spouses.

    I think it’s great that couples get so comfortable with each other that they can stay in their pajamas all day.  But, sisters, simply dressing up and smelling good can really uplift your husband’s appreciation of you and may make him dress up and smell good for you too.

    If you are a stay-at-home sister/mom, yeah you can stay in your pajamas all day – but if you know your husband is coming home at 5:30, then change into something nice and put on some perfume at 5:00!  :)

    Taking care of personal hygiene and working on yourself inwardly is sure to add to your overall character.  Reading Quran, catching up on a Islamic lecture, praying and making heartfelt dua’a all add to the beauty of you.

    So, strike a balance between the outward and the inward appearance of you and watch the positive benefits come into your marriage and family.
    

8.Be Affectionate – Don’t Hold Back Your Love

    I think culturally, many sisters can bring a lot of baggage to their marriages and it is not our fault because it’s the way we’ve all grown up.

    Some of us have been too immersed in Western culture and seen all the movies that we have expectations of our husbands to act a certain way or we are the complete opposite where we have been so sheltered that marriage and the thought of living with a boy (when you are married) is strange and almost – wrong!

    And, it is strange.  All of our lives, sisters grow up in the homes of parents only to leave them (quite suddenly) to live with a complete stranger (most people only know each other for a short while before they get married.)

    But, the truth of the matter is that marriage is a noble sunnah that is one of the most beautiful aspects of our deen.  And, one of the best things a Muslim Wife can do is to be affectionate, even if it has to be learned over time.  This is your husband now.  The one man that you married and will be married to for ever, inshaAllah.  Be affectionate with your husband, whatever that means to you, and the affection will lead to a closer and more connected relationship.

    Human touch, whether it be holding hands or a hug, leads to Mercy (Rahma) in relationships whether it is with your husband, sister friends or even your parents.  So, be affectionate often and reap the benefits.

9.Go the Extra Mile – He’ll Notice (Hopefully)

    Going the extra mile means doing something for your husband that goes above and beyond what he expects of you.

    If he asked you to make a meal for his family, it means you go all out and make the dishes with care and effort.

    If you are going out for a special day, it means you take time to find the right outfit and perhaps wear it a bit differently than he is used to.  It could mean sending him a random text message to say you are thinking of him or a random e-card.

    It could mean spending extra time listening to him talk to you about his concerns without you changing the subject.  It could mean baking home-made cookies, inviting him on a special day you have planned, making him a gift or cleaning his desk space.

    It could mean wearing earrings if you normally don’t at home, or giving him free time to work-out or for his hobby, or even helping him get ready in the morning with a packed lunch with a nice note inside.

    The ideas are endless and with a bit of extra time and effort, your husband will appreciate the little details you’ve paid attention to, inshaAllah.
     

10.Say “Thank You” – Be Grateful for Small and Big Things

    One of the hadiths that scare me to death is the one that says, “The majority of hell is made up of women who were ungrateful to their husbands.” Yikes!

    So, say thank you every night to your husband before you go to sleep for anything and everything that he has done for you.  Don’t overlook things you have got used to like him buying groceries, helping out with dishes, listening to your problems or simply going to work everyday.

    Remember the big things and the small things and soon all small things will turn into big things for you, inshaAllah.

    Thank him sincerely: “Thank you for helping with the dishes because it really cuts the time out I have to spend in the kitchen.” Rather than simply saying thank you, explain yourself to him and tell him why it’s important to you and that you noticed.

    He will feel happy that he could help and may make him feel like doing it even more for you!  Most importantly, give thanks to Allah, most Generous, and He will increase your marriage even more, inshaAllah.

Parting Thoughts

This list is a reminder first to myself before I send them to you.  All of these are from experience of being married for almost three years now.  You may agree or disagree, but these are just some things that have helped the both of us over time.

And, we are always learning and growing and making mistakes, alhamdulillah, it’s all part of the journey.  Feel free to share more insight or your own tips with us in the comments below.

InshaAllah, may Allah pour blessing upon blessing into all our marriages!  

Ameen! 

Seven Things your Muslim wife won’t tell you

(by Wajih Ahmed)

Most men have a hard time understanding women. Even a woman they’ve been married to for years. One minute she’s perfectly fine, the next, she’s crying like a baby. She complains about something but when we offer advice on how to fix it, she still isn’t satisfied. After several years of marriage (and counseling) I’ve learned to not worry so much about what my wife says. Instead, I should worry about what she doesn’t say.

1. Above all, She Wants Your love

When a wife shows her husband less respect, he in turn shows her less love.

And when a husband shows his wife less love, she in turn shows him less respect.

And the vicious cycle repeats itself.

Stop this prophecy before it becomes self-fulfilling. Show love to your wife.

That’s what she wants. Love her despite her flaws and quirks.

And Inshallah, she’ll respect you despite your flaws and quirks.

2. She’s Bored

It’s the same thing every day.

Week in and week out.

Not only is she bored but she’s also tired.

She has to care for the kids and run the household and then pamper you.

Just thinking about doing that every day makes me want to crawl under my covers and hide. I can imagine how the average Muslim housewife must feel.

And let’s not forget about working woman. Many Muslim women have to work a full time job as well as hold a house down.

So brothers, I implore you, make your wife feel special. Give her a break.

Take her out sometimes. Surprise her with a surprise meal. Bring her favorite desert home.

Just do something every now and then to break the monotony.

3. She Wants to be Complimented

Appreciation. Everybody wants it. No one wants to feel as if the hard work they do goes unnoticed or even worse, it taken for granted.

Your wife does not have to clean your dirty clothes. And she does not have to cook your meals. But she does. And she does that on top of all the other things in her life:

    Caring for the kids.

    Working or going to school.

    Striving to be a better Muslimah.

Show your Muslim wife that you appreciate and are thankful for the things she does to maintain you and your family. A simple “thank you” is a good start.

4. She’s Insanely Jealous

There’s a reason most women don’t care for polygamy. Be very careful how you talk about other women around your wife. Don’t ever compare your wife to another woman.

    Don’t compare her to some female movie star.

    Don’t compare her to your mother.

    Never, ever compare her to your ex-wife (or other wife!)

She’s wants to know and believe that she is the center of your universe. So make her feel that way.

Even the Prophet’s (pbuh) wives got jealous. Aisha (RA) even got jealous of Khadijah (RA) who was dead.

Expect, and respect, the same type of jealousy from your wife.

5. She Wants You to Help Her become A Better Muslimah

I can’t stress enough the importance of men taking the role of leader within their families.

And that’s the problem with a lot of Muslim men these days.

Not only are they not being good leaders, they’re being led by their wives (or mothers, or other women in their lives).

Your wife desires and wants you to be her leader. And what better way to lead her than to be show her how to be a better Muslimah?

But you can’t show her how to become better if you’re not that great either. Therefore, you have to upgrade your Iman. You have to improve yourself and then pass it on to her in a gentle, respectful way.

6. She Doesn’t Like to Nag, But Sometimes You Make It Hard

It’s a common myth that women like to nag their husbands. That’s not entirely true.

Yes, there are some people (men and women) whom you can never please. No matter what you do, they’ll always find fault in something. Let’s be reminded of the following hadith:

Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas: The Prophet said: “I was shown the Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful.” It was asked, “Do they disbelieve in Allah?” (or are they ungrateful to Allah?) He replied, “They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and the good (charitable deeds) done to them. If you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and then she sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, ‘I have never received any good from you.” – Sahih Bukhari.

So, yes sisters should be careful about denegrating the things your husband does for you.

But very often, you brother, make it hard for her to hold your tongue.

Perhaps you’re always finding fault with her and she looks for things in your character to get even.

Perhaps you’re not working (or not working hard enough) and she has to work to take up some slack.

Perhaps you’re just not that great of a guy.

Once again, upgrade yourself and give her less reasons to complain and nag.

7. More Than Anything, She Wants a Stable, Happy Relationship With You

Women don’t get married just because they think it’s gonna be fun.

They get married because they want a happy family life and they believe you’re gonna give it to them.

Outside of her religious duties, that’s the most important thing in a Muslim woman’s life. Raising a happy, stable, Muslim family.

The funny thing is, it’s very easy for you to give that to her.

    Stop acting like a jerk. Be a good husband to her. Be kind. Show her you love her.

    Don’t threaten her with divorce or taking a second wife. Yes, you have the right to do both. But using them as threats is inappropriate and detrimental to your marriage.

    Trust in Allah, watch out for the tricks of Shaytan, and be patient with her. There’s nothing Shaytan would love more than to destroy your marriage.

See? That isn’t all that hard, now is it?

 

(HSH)

Sources:  
1.islaaminfo.co.za   

2.http://muslimworker.com

3.http://thedailyreminders.com